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“The Sky Is A Neighborhood”

2:42 am

Interesting song lyrics. Good song. It's been awhile, huh ?? I was given an old computer that was slow. I deleted some stuff and what not, some things won't work, like the defragmentor. Which is not cool but at least the computer is working pretty good now. We just need a comfy chair that fits at this desk and I will use it more often.

Not a whole lot has changed. I'm still alone, I'm still depressed and I haven't won the lottery. HAha. I wish. I really do. And yes, those are my kittens. I couldn't take the lonely, quiet house anymore. We lost our ferret Roxy, our dog Mina and three cats....Patches, Persuasion and Sweetie. Five pets within one year....we had to get some kittens. It started with these two....

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Are they not the cutest tiger kittens ever ?? And so sweet. Amelia and Killian. I rescued from under a porch down near my old favorite dive bar. Literally like two or three houses down. Lol. Seriously....look at how cute they are.....

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Two weeks later, I got a call asking if I wanted their brother....

Jasper

 

Of course we wanted that cute face. And so do a lot of others. Too bad. I've always wanted a Ragdoll and he may not be purebred but he sure is just like one. Temperament and looks. Besides, most of you wouldn't want to put up with him anyway. He's the bad one. Of course. He hates liter boxes. His fave place to poop is next to the toilet, in front of me. Lol. Easy clean up for sure. But the pee, well, he really likes my dogs blankets. Not cool. I'm truly hoping that once he's fixed and allowed out that he will be like Tiger, my older boy who only goes outside. Fingers crossed. Yes, I deal with it, cats are picky, he doesn't want to walk on anyone else's poop, you can't blame him...lol. I know we will work it out and I'm thankful that none of them scratch or rip apart things. They just like to knock everything off the counters and tables so they can play with it. Except Killian, he also has a thing for climbing windows, thankfully not the curtains.

The three after a bath....

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Then, a month or so later, we found this guy in the road....

Lucky

He followed a mentally handicapped lady to the Gatehouse and sat there for a little over 13 hours, hoping someone would feed him or water him. He was malnourished and is missing half his tail  :((  So I brought him home. And a few days later, we decided he was staying and his name is Lucky. We chose that name because he is lucky we found him and love him and want him. The other three took him in as tho he is their long lost brother.....and who knows, maybe they are. They have a lot of the same markings and came from the same area of town, they very well could have the same dad. Ha. And days later, we realized, he's also cat #7 right now, so Lucky is the perfect name for him.

Just look at how cute they all are....

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Ok, ok, enough with the cute kittens...for now anyway. Yeah, I don't think I'm getting real babies so these ones keep me busy and make me laugh. Plus now my dog has some kittens to play with. The big cats hate him because they just want to sleep. Lol.

Ok, on to more serious things. Sadly, my uncle has passed away. The one I had been fighting with and was starting to make up with. I'm still in shock, he went in his sleep, so unexpected. My mom took his big dog, I took the little one, one of his cats passed a few weeks after him and the other one is still running around in the woods down there. Yes, now I have two dogs plus the one I'm fostering. My girl is Bella....and she loves my heated seats and car rides.....

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Speaking of, I have asked the foster dog's owner to find her a new place when my uncle passed. But of course, she hasn't tried. She hasn't tried to do anything. At all. I have cut her out of my life. I felt bad at first but not anymore. I just stopped talking to her. I couldn't do it anymore. I had been giving her rides to work for way too many months. At first, I thought it would just be a couple weeks till she got her car fixed. But a couple months went by and her car still sat, never even towed yet. I started bitching about it and she finally got it towed. Like two months ago. I have told her and told her that her schedule sucks and is not working for me. It was interfering with my sleep, my Uber and stressing me the fuck out. Especially when she would text me and say that she was done work, knowing full well that I was in Bloom doing Uber, only to make me sit and wait at least 30 minutes before she was actually done work. I told her and told her how much money I could have made doing Uber instead of waiting there for her. So why oh why can't this chic get it thru her head that she's wasting my time and costing me money ?? She doesn't tip me, she doesn't use Uber, she pays me gas. That's it. Has me take her to work, from Danville to Bloom and then I have to go back to Danville because what else am I going to do at 10 am ???? NO one uses Uber that early. Then, then I go pick her from work, which who knows when it will be, sometimes she's cut after two short hours (which often means that she won't even have gas money) or.....they keep her till 5pm. Like I want to keep living this way, waiting around for her, getting paid gas money. And don't forget, she has to stop for cigs and food. UGH

Anyway, if she's reading this, which I doubt, another reason I'm mad at her, she doesn't ever give me support in my businesses; I want her to know that it's not too personal, it's just that I deserve better and I have bills to pay. Unlike her. Just earlier tonight, one of my Uber riders paid me $20 for a ride from the dive strip club to his hotel, a few miles, and he paid me twice what she pays me to make two trips to Bloom and back.

And it's not even just the money. It's also the fact that she's not supportive. I've made her so much jewelry, gave it to her, so she could wear it at work....so she can attract money and advertise for me. But after six plus months, she still doesn't even put makeup on for work. Then, when she is in my car, all she does is stare at her phone and smoke. Forget trying to have a convo. with her, it's like talking to a wall. And what about her dog ?? She's been here way too long, is a huge pain in the ass for me and her owner does not care. The dog is spending most of her time in a cage and her owner is not trying to find her a new home at all. She doesn't even give me money to feed the dog. What a great owner.

Alright, I'm done....I'm in love with my kittens and I'm still looking for My Man....he's out there somewhere and I wish that I don't have to spend another winter alone....I absolutely Hate the cold

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Blah

Sorry. My life is really fucking shitty right now. Just when I thought things were finally looking up, no, they get worse. And I no longer have a computer. I won’t be writing for awhile. Not that it matters, no one really fucking cares anyway 

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Synchronicities

11:54 pm I Love them. Most of them. Some are strange. Today I woke up about ten minutes before my daughter and her friend came back from swimming. Her friends mom wanted to see the kittens. Found out that my daughters friend has an Irish twin brother, Donny. How awesome is that ??

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I have to write about something else now, My Donnie makes me dreamy. I definitely thought about the Piano Man the other night. I had fun. Laughed a whole lot. He's been thinking about Me. And so has Scorpio Ryan. Ryan was mad that I wrote about him again, he hasn't stalked me and has kept me blocked. But he's back. I feel him. Plus, I picked up an Uber rider the other night named Ryan. He had an accent and four people with him. He sat in front, the rest in the back. They sang the whole trip, thanking me for being there. Yes, they were intoxicated. It was fun. They tipped me as much as Uber would allow, which was double what they paid for the ride.

Haven't read my blog before ?? That's ok. If you go to my website (linked below) and watch the picture slideshow while listening to the music player, You will most likely get my message. Or you can click on some of the categories and read more about a certain subject.

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I'm helping awaken humans. Now is the time to understand and use Your power. We are here to save ourselves, other humans and Mother Earth. Raise Your vibration, Believe that We, the Human Race, have the power to stand up to the elite, the powerful and take back our Home. We have to stop allowing our food to be grown with chemicals where there are so many natural ways of protecting our food. We Are what we eat. Let's make it healthy again, our food and our selves. Mostly Mother Earth. Believe In Yourself and Be the Good that Mother Earth Needs. Love is the highest vibration, "God" is LOVE

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Full Moon Weekend

8:35 pm I want to start by touching on my last post a little, 'can you change a narcissist' ?? I hope no one thought it meant my mom was healed or cured or whatever. She still has her moments. Like Friday. What a day that was. My daughter finally said she was ready to go to the Millville carnival so we all got in my car to go. My mom bitched about my driving as soon as I pulled out of the driveway. She didn't like that I pulled out and went down the back road. She thinks I'm scraping my car and should be turning around at the intersection. Then she continued to talk and bitch the whole way there. So much that I turned the wrong way, went by McDonald's and headed towards Washingtonville. We went on out that way tho and it seems to be quicker than going over the hills so I will probably go that way more often now. And what a waste, the carnival didn't even open yet. Ugh.

Later, my aunt came over so then we made her drive. By then, I had a visitor stop by and give me some bud. Oh that was nice. I felt so much better and it was so much easier dealing with my mom. That ride was great. My daughter and I sat in back with ear plugs in and the older ladies sat up front talking. Then, at the carnival, my daughter and I walked around by ourselves a little, got rained on and ran into them. It poured for about ten minutes. Felt like the longest ten minutes ever. Then my brother and his boys showed up. Much better after that. And we didn't stay much longer. I ate a lot, fresh cut fries loaded with vinegar and salt, raspberry ice cream and an apple dumpling to go.

Saturday my daughter and I went to a fundraiser thing to sell some clothes and jewelry. But not many people showed up. By the time we left, others told us there was too much going on in other towns that day, no one expected it to be that slow. We sold a few books and stuff, made just enough money to eat and get drinks. Boo. I'm still extremely poor. Only one person is making me money on this blog. I'm not suppose to ask people to click on my ads, but fuck google, I want to make money and most of you are not aware that the only way I can is if you click on those ads. You don't have to buy anything, just click on them. Please. And please check out my shop. Share it for me too please. Help me get some business because Facebook does not want to help and they keep people from seeing my posts. They want my money for ads and I refuse to pay. I have not talked to anyone who says that Facebook ads actually helped, quite the opposite, everyone I have talked to says it's a waste of money.

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So yeah, we picked up another kitten. Killian and Amelia's brother. We named him Jasper. My daughter wanted to name him something to do with the ocean since he has such blue eyes. I immediately thought of ocean jasper, the stone. He has similar colors to some of it. So we agreed on Jasper. At first he was really scared, getting a bath and then meeting the dogs must have been quite a lot. He seemed pretty happy to be with his siblings, even tho he was afraid to play with them at first. After a couple hours tho, he was in there wrestling with them so much that I almost had to split them up from hurting each other. And today the poor guy has a sore eye. I don't know what he got into but it was all dirty and red a little bit ago. He's more of an explorer than Amelia, we can't even find him half the time. Nor has he picked who he likes more. Amelia loves my daughter, Killian loves me. Jasper is still deciding. My mom thinks she's going to steal him. HAha. She has owned many Siamese, even two full bred ones, this one is ours. Well, I can't think of anything else to write. Just please share my shop items and help me make some money, I really don't want to go work at McDonald's but I'm going to have to if business doesn't pick up soon. I got bills to pay.

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Can you change a narcissist ??

11:01 pm Lots of people say NO. Impossible. But I have learned otherwise. But....they may not want to change. I am going to go over how to help both, the ones who do want to change and those who don't.

First and foremost, you have to believe in the power of thoughts and healing stones. If not, you might as well stop reading now. You also have to be close enough and brave enough to do what needs done. You will also need sea salt, old railroad spikes (please pick up ones that have fallen out, do Not remove them), black tourmaline and clear quartz. If you can afford some orgonite, that would be great also. You have to salt around their entire house. You may have to do it several times over a few weeks. The railroad spikes, black tourmaline, quartz and orgonite should be placed around the four corners, outside. If the house is odd shaped like mine, you will have to use a little imagination and surround the area. If they live in an apartment, they obviously have to be open to it and willing to let you place these things inside. But clearly you can do this outside without their knowledge. They will appreciate it some day, I promise.

What is Orgonite ?? (click on pic above to buy some)

Orgonite energy devices are one of the most effective ways that I have found to raise the vibrations in the environment that surrounds you. The combination of resin, metals and programmed crystals creates a strong protective force that also assists in counteracting any negative vibrations from electrical appliances, electromagnetic bombardment that can disrupt your energy system and subtle bodies.
All of the devises are programmed to carry and emit the highest vibrations. They also can be programmed for specific healing for the individual and work well for pets and plants too!  It strengthens your body’s energy field, helping to protect you from man-made EMF radiation and negative energy. Orgonite can help improve your life physically, emotionally and spiritually.

And that's just to start. If you want to help or have to help, as I had to with my mom, you most likely have the strength and you can do it. Especially if they want to change. That was what took so long with my mom. She didn't want to change, she hates change and of course, she thought she was perfect. Unfortunately it took my grandfather's death and me attempting suicide before she finally wanted to change.

And of course me being honest and telling her to face that she was a narcissist and treated me like shit. Several times, over many months I said it before she finally accepted it and was willing to work on things. You have to do that too. You can't play nice, you can't beat around the bush; you must be firm, rude and to the point. I have found that a lot of narcissists don't even realize that they are one. That's how self absorbed and damaged they are. Yes, most narcs are damaged and guarded, causing them to be this way. And no, you can't save them all. You can only try with the ones who are willing or whom you absolutely have to deal with or live with. Trust me, if you can live your life without them, it's much better to just let them go.

It takes a lot of patience, fights and hurt feelings (on your part) but if it must be done, you can do it. You should also protect yourself, especially when around them. I highly suggest wearing Bloodstone. Yes, there are many others but that one seems to work best and it is also good for your overall health, so just get some already. You definitely want to cleanse yourself as often as possible, most especially after dealing with them. I recommend saging yourself and then taking a hot shower or bath. If you bathe, put sea salt in your water. Yeah, you can sprinkle some over you before a shower also, it works, I have done it. But if you have good water, just a shower will work also. It does not have to be at Full Moon but it is the most powerful time. The Moon is always there, just because we can't see it, does not mean that it's not powerful.

There's more but I'm drawing blank thoughts right now so I will add more when I think of it. And of course, any questions or recommendations, please comment below. Have a Happy 4th of July everyone and be safe. Don't forget to request Uber if you get too drunk !!!

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“My Hero” Foo Fighters

10:36 pm Feeling better thanks to some rants and posts on Facebook, told by several to keep going. I don't have much to say, it's been a long, rough day. The only thing I want to write about it is my beliefs. As they have come into question by several folks lately. Over drug addiction. I shared this pic and got some heated responses. It started with a girl I met on Facebook when I made my new account, I was looking for a different Candi, we had mutual friends. A year later, we have met and been hanging out. Even after finding out that we both dated Home Depot. We talked about it once for a few minutes and moved on. But today, she exploded over this. Her issue was that it says you have a weak mind. She doesn't believe that. I thought we agreed that it was personal opinion and we obviously felt differently.

I knew that when I started this journey, starting a blog and Facebook business announcing who I am and never holding back, would be difficult. But I didn't expect it to lead me to attempting suicide. I have opened up arguments with complete strangers in many groups. Some of these immediately became friendships, others getting people blocked and getting kicked out of groups for being better at this than the administrators. Being an Empath Shaman and mirroring people....showing them who they are by taking on their feelings and words and giving them right back. Some people see Love, some people see Hate, they see what they should see in their self.

SO....I did my best to keep my cool with her but she continued to comment and rant on my post, told off one my bestest friends and supporters, told me I wasn't a Real Shaman, in way many more words, went to MY Empath group, found a post I made and ranted on that. Thru all this, I asked her to stop several times. First being as nice as possible, then straight up telling her that she was being a bitch. Then she started tagging me in posts. I felt like she was trying to force her opinion down my throat. So I blocked her. I just recently unblocked her tho, I think she's over it now. I was fine with agreeing to disagree but she pushed me too far.

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I Believe that Life is what You make it. With your thoughts, your mind, your soul, that You are a God and have the power to do what You want. It's not easy, especially with so many billion people in the World. I guess that's why there are so many Angels here now with US. I have many. Tony's, Mike's, many B-day Twins. They are Real and we help each other, all of US. If you don't Believe in You, how can anyone else ?? If you don't think you can quit drugs or leave that abusive relationship, then your thoughts, your mind is weak. No one said it was wrong, to ME, it says you need to strengthen your brain. Train yourself with positive thoughts, forget that pain by distracting yourself and learn to ride it out. Get help if you need it; I did, at 36 years old. I finally came to terms with the fact that my mom really is a narcissist because I finally got sober. I went between many different chemicals while drinking alcohol for 15 years or so.

I woke up for ME this time

I was done helping others, thanks to my mom, my neighbors and Boston. Michael from Connecticut mirrored ME and we showed each other what we learned, what we can do and what we were looking for in a True Love partner. We even helped each other learn how we were going to best talk to and deal with our True Loves. We met the first time I went to the psychiatric ward in Geisinger Danville, July 11, 2016. A Man named Michael, from Connecticut, stuck in MY town, lost and playing Christmas music on the Piano for ME from Day One of my stay. When I cut myself to show others how much words hurt, bullying and took a vacation in the mental ward because I was poor. And hiding from a guy who was from Boston. Hanging out with a Man from Connecticut. Fast forward 6 months, I try to kill myself and end up in the Psyche Ward again, with an even more amazing experience. With a Man from Bloomsburg, who doesn't look like anyone I have ever met. He has one tattoo, Anomaly. I stand by what I say. I met more addicts in this place, of course, I've attracted them my whole life and have been called the Mom since my teenage years. Probably since around the age my daughter is NOW. Most of the addicts I met in the psyche ward, got the help they needed and enjoyed the vacation. A lot of them even admitted that it helps them but then something traumatic happens, they start using and so they check them selves in before they end up dead. Something WE are all capable of. MIND and Will power, all the way. Believe you can do it and just do it.

And thank you Facebook for notifying me of a like on the featured pic just now, I was just going to find it and download it for this blog <3

"Superman (It's Not Easy)"

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Goodbye

2:35 am

I’m done with all this. I’ve been trying for long enough. So many ‘friends’ claimed they would help and support me. But no one will even share my jewelry posts, blog posts…..nothing. I’m not getting customers or followers. One friend has faithfully visited this page often just to click on some ads for me. I’ve been hearing soon for two years. Soon for love. Soon for money. Soon is never coming. I packed up all my crystals, even the ones I usually wear. I give up. I’m going to work at McDonald’s, for the government, for a corporation. I’m done trying to live my dream and it’s really breaking my heart. Big time. I’m just going to be a regular nobody and do whatever I can to survive. It’s all I can do. And get my meds changed, I’m back to crying all the time.

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“Ex’s & Oh’s”

5:12 pm Been thinking about this post for hours, this song fits perfect. Someone asked why I gave this guy a second chance. Easy answer but long. Sixteen months ago, he was honest with me and we were just friends. We literally hung out for about a week, on different occasions. I would let him drive sometimes and we just talked about the universe, birth charts, what we want in life. He helped me deliver papers once or twice. It was different then. We ended up cuddling one day which lead to crying, then sex. Which turned out to be a mistake, because he was posting on Facebook about wanting a girlfriend and a home. And I ended up liking him too much. Which is why I haven't had sex since. I don't care if you think this is too much info, it's what I do. I'm an Empath, I want to help other Empaths and they need to know how much sex can hurt. Damon and I said goodbye, face to face. I cried, he handled it like a champ. We even hugged goodbye. He then started posted that he was looking for a companion for booty calls and doing fun things as friends. It hurt, really bad, obviously I care about him and liked him, I've talked about him many times since.

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Thank you Krystal  :-*

And that's why he got another chance, he didn't hurt me on purpose as my status might make you assume. He knows that. He was mature about it and we were just friends. Another reason that he knew what he was doing this time around. He knew how much I liked him. He also knew he could have all this, he chose to be a douche and lie. He claimed that most of his time the last sixteen months was spent in jail for a DUI and then for not paying child support while in jail. He even cried to me one day. So... I still don't think I'm being too harsh, honesty hurts but it opens peoples eyes. I know some day Damon will care and see the truth. Appreciate this And apologize. Unfortunately I will never trust him again. But they do say that if you like two people, you should pick the second one because if you really liked the first one, you wouldn't have liked the second one at all. Right ?? Yeah, I believe it. If Damon stuck around the first time, I wouldn't have met Donnie. And I definitely like Donnie more. He's way more talented and I'm pretty sure that He can't lie.

I dreamed last night about coming home and not being able to get up my driveway. One of my neighbors had huge tables set up in their yard and in the lane. I was irritated and went in my house. To dream of a table means good luck and prosperity. Woo hoo. And as for what my neighbor was doing in the dream, I'm not sharing but it means they will talk about me behind my back. No shit. Nothing new there.

My uncle brought my jack back in the middle of the night. He must have walked because I never heard him and he usually blasts his car stereo. So yeah, I got the dead animal out, still couldn't tell what it was :'-(

Feeling very hopeful, happy and awesome. And really hoping Donnie will be here this weekend. I know the Scorpio Ryan will be unblocking me soon. I can feel it. He's getting over his anger at my honesty. And I'm sure the Philippine is understanding that I blocked him for his own good. He was messaging me unwanted advice, I felt he was feeling too much of my pain. He will be unblocked soon. Thanks for reading.

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“I Knew You Were Trouble”

10:02 pm    That song came on the radio as I was driving past that place where the Aries is supposedly living. I even yelled out the window, as loud as I could "asshole, burn in hell"   Am I being too harsh ??   NO.    Yes, I said I didn't care but obviously I did, I wrote about him. And if you're my friend on Facebook, you know that I've been ranting and saying all kinds of shit about him. His name is Damon Gearhart. Look him up, his profile was a pic of him with a flower in his ear. Looks so gay and wonders why guys send him dick pics ?!? LOL

Yes, he told me that he wasn't sure if he even wanted a relationship. But what I didn't share; he told me the next day, sitting here in My House, in front of my daughter no less, that he was thinking about moving in and making a go of it. And he stayed over 5 nights out of 7. Wouldn't you believe it also ?? He even bought dinner for all of us, my daughter, him and me. Why else would he do it ?? Most likely for the ability to use my car, right ?? He claimed that he was in recovery but the last two days he was here, he smelled like meth. Yeah, I did that shit for a month straight when I was 20. So anyone who tries to tell you that it doesn't smell is an idiot. It most definitely smells and is very unique. It can't be mistaken for anything else. I promise. So clearly, he was lying about where he was and what he was doing. And clearly he wasn't sure about me because there was someone else. And I'm positive that he was thinking that if he told me the truth, I wouldn't help him. Which I may not have but who knows. At first, I wasn't even thinking about him that way. I was thinking about Donnie. For days. Then Damon hangs around here, getting me thinking that he actually likes me, making me remember how much I like him. So of course I wanted to help him get a job like he was claiming to do, no one lives here for free.

The last night I saw him, he was here and ended up leaving his phone here. Nice me, I drove to town, thru town and half way to Bloom, just to give him his phone and some cigs because I knew he was out. But did he bother to thank me ?? NO. Did he bother to tell me that he went for someone else ?? NO. He has completely ignored me and acted like I don't exist. He even blocked me on Facebook after telling everyone that he was with someone and it felt good to be wanted, even tho he wasn't sure if it was the right choice....

Well, it was, because I am NOT an option or a second choice. You want me or you don't. And as for feeling wanted, that's sex, lust, not love. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. I wanted him to stay here, be my man and help me with this house. But that clearly wasn't enough for him. And I'm so glad that I couldn't stop thinking about Donnie and kept my legs closed. I was willing and wanting to talk about Donnie with Damon, more than willing to tell him the whole story. But obviously Damon couldn't or wouldn't and didn't be honest with me. Also glad that Damon disappeared when he did, I was ready to give it up and boy would I be pissed and hurt. He thinks I'm psycho now, he should have tried harder and fucked me, then he would really see psycho. Yeah, he didn't even have enough balls to try cuddling and fucking me. He just waited for me and I was waiting for proof that he was actually going to stick around.

Then today, I find out there's a dead animal under my car. I parked on a hill and saw the four legs hanging down. It's so decayed that I can't tell what it was but it sure looks like a cat. I can't think of any other animal that size with that long of legs. And I know that I didn't hit anything or come close to hitting anything. Which makes me wonder what kind of person he really is. Especially when the guy who I got my kittens from just had to tell me about watching one of his cats get hit by a young male driver who laughed and sped off. Coincidence ??   OH HELL NO

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Yes, I picked up two baby kittens yesterday. They are so adorable. I love them so much. My other two cats are pissed for now but I think they will come around. The dogs are excited and want to play with them but the kittens have never seen dogs and they are so small, my dog too rough, they're scared of the dogs for now. I'm sure that will change once they get more comfortable here. They have a basket which they sleep in and we use to carry them around so they can see the house and outside and learn their new home. I had them outside with me today while trying to remove the dead animal from my car, which has proven to be a pain in the ass. It was definitely hit while moving, it is all wrapped up in the axle   :'-(   Makes me so fucking angry. Especially since my uncle 'borrowed' my $80 jack a year ago and won't give it back. GRRRR.....people need to learn to stop fucking me over, Karma hates that and is a real bitch to those assholes.

Damon is so lucky that I think I have decided not to do voo doo dolls anymore. That shit really works for me but not without hurting me. And I want my true love now so I'm not doing anything that will fuck with that. I will just let Karma take care of it......maybe......

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The Red Jasper I found at my mom's with a bunch of other amazing ones. I will share them all soon.

Anyway, yeah, I also went to an Indian pow wow Sunday. Finally got me a selenite wand, a sunstone and some green goldstone. I wasn't looking for the goldstone but I didn't know there was green either and it was too pretty to pass up. Of course I have been looking for the others tho. And the selenite was real cheap. I also found some turkey feathers and decided I was getting a red fox tail. I know, I love animals and there's a chance that this tail was taken cruelly. But it also could not have been and as many red foxes as I use to see on my paper route, I had to have one. People sell them, lots of them, why not have one ?? And the one I picked is amazing. It has a black line spiraling all the way around from the top, all the way to the white tip. I love it. Don't hate on me, I love foxes, I feel connected to them and this tail feels amazing. It helps me feel safe and comforted. It's my fidget spinner.

So yeah, no more fuck boys.....I'm thinking of Donnie and waiting for him. I know he was Real and true and that he wants me. He wants me so much that he's thinking about giving me babies even when he didn't want them. And that's Real, True Love   @};-   <3

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What I made with my turkey feathers, selenite and stuff I had at home. The aura quartz, ruby and blue calcite were also at my mom's but were my daughter's from Knoebels.

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“Paint It Black”

7 pm    So I hid my last post for awhile. I'm still confused. But I'm starting to think it was that guy. I'm thinking he really doesn't know what he wants. Seriously, I asked him why he didn't want me....that I have the things he claims to want and post on Facebook....his reply was that he doesn't feel like he's in the right position to move in and help out around here. But a couple days later, he's posting on Facebook that he doesn't want to be alone, when he just spent three nights with me. I'm thinking he doesn't know what he wants or he just doesn't have the balls to tell me that he's not that into me. And it hurts. I didn't think I would still like him as much as I do. Nor did I expect him to run.....again. Which is why I chose the song I heard while in town earlier....it's definitely him....running and loving his black.

I've wondered if it's me, because I still think about Donnie, but I don't think it's me. I know what I want, I just don't know who is willing and going to give me it. And apparently it's not the Aries. Who can't seem to understand or get just how lucky he is, with everything and is wasting his energy and thoughts on stupid shit.

So I'm glad I kept my distance and didn't get close. I can't imagine how much I would be hurting right now. Rejection is the worst. Especially when you have such a strong connection with someone. My friend did a synastry chart on us, even tho I already did it myself 16 months ago. It said exactly what I already knew, we are really good for each other, if he would decide what he wants and stick with it. He even admitted that we have a great connection, so what the fuck ??

I give up. I just don't care anymore. I can't waste my time, thoughts and energy on someone who just makes me confused as hell. I would just rather wait alone and stay sad, taking pills that I don't want to just so I don't cry.

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